The Unfinished Story

The Unfinished Story

I watched this boy for a while. He slowly started to mean more to me than any person I had ever met. So caring and at the same time feisty, I never knew what he would do next. We always did such risky things and developed these crazy inside jokes. His chocolate brown hair that I seemed to always fix, with a sweet face that I held on to when we kissed, the cute little stubble hairs that he missed shaving, and his soft smiles that brightened my day. We went on walks that turned into new paths, late night car rides listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers, downtown coffee shops and murals that of course came along with pictures, we spent a lot of time in restaurants talking about our dreams and goals not to mention little things like our favorite colors too. No matter what we did or where we went everything with this boy was an adventure. Over the five years of knowing this boy I fell more and more in love with him each day. I thought so highly of him, never thinking he would have a problem in the world. This boy I cared about so deeply began to fall into a depression. It tore me. I knew i could help though having my fare share of it all. I worked and worked trying to not only build a strong healthy relationship with this amazing boy but also help him throughout the battles he fought. It was working until those little things snuck up that I didn't see coming. It seemed like at that point I was trying for no reason. I was drained, I was someone he took for granted when deep down he knew i cared more about him than the others he was wasting his time with. I was hurt and tired. I had to end it. He showed up at the house. The moment I saw him every memory for five years played through my head as I held his belongings in my hands. He hugged me immediately. His arms wrapped tightly around me reminded me of the nights when he would drop me off and walk over to my side of the car and we would hug each other and wish to never be apart. After he slowly let go I came back into reality. We talked for a while as he told me this wasn't the end. Our eyes locked on each other seeming as if we couldn't break it as his filled with tears and rolled down his pale face. I wiped them away and kissed his cheek. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. He asked me if i wanted the stuffed animal I got him when i had gone to the zoo. I told him to keep it and that i would see it soon. He disagreed. You see I knew this boy like the back of my hand. So well we could finish each other's sentences and know what the other was thinking. I knew there was something deeper going on. I asked why. He told me it was the end for him. Unloved and unwanted he told me as I looked in his eyes and saw the underlying hurt in his heart. It broke me… I had spent years caring for and loving this boy only wanting the best for him. I hugged him hard wishing somehow I could make him feel the heart I had for him. We watched each other go our separate ways. He is currently getting the help he needs that I couldn't fully give him. Through it all you see, he taught me how to live and through it all he taught me what love was. It was not just another failed relationship that people regret and move on from two months later. This is a story and the book hasn't closed yet.

Do Not Lose The Flame For Motivation

My motivation for education is to become a writer, not only that but also to become smarter, successful, make a difference, and finally make my family proud.

Being a writer has been a dream of mine for a while now. I seem to chase my own kind of freedom and I see a lot of that in writing. When I was in rehab for an eating disorder I found a way of escaping and letting thoughts, emotions, and struggles out through journaling. Unfortunately, along with the natural ability to write comes with knowledge that you get from school. My motivation is to become a better writer so I can achieve that freedom I long for.

Without a solid education you are less likely to make a difference because people may not take you seriously. Sadly, it’s harder these days to prove to people that you know something because we all as humans can be judgmental; not understanding that some things can be outside the norm. The people who never want to accept change will always be disappointed. No doubt about it, the world and society are always transforming into something else. As well as knowing less academically, which has hurt my motivation throughout high school because I didn't think I was as smart as the others and was made to feel that way by my piers. I was told I was just stupid, leading me to stop trying completely. Even though I knew more about life than most of them, somehow I was still treated like I knew nothing not only by the students but the teachers as well. This can shape a child's view on education no matter what the circumstances may be. In my opinion, the teachers that I had experienced focussed more on the kids that were doing well than the ones who needed a little extra TLC, but of course that was someone else's job.

My family is a big part too, I finally want to prove to them that I am more than a screw up, can achieve things on my own, and I don't have to be a burden to them any longer. Being willing to do things on my own but not knowing how has left me feeling helpless and more likely to give up. My parents would get upset with me for abandoning an assignment that was difficult or not trying hard enough, when in reality I didn't know how to improve or better myself because I wasn't taught how. Wake Tech has gotten me back to being confident in school, knowing it won't be easy but encouraging me and guiding me to be successful. You can't do everything on your own. Now I am not afraid to ask questions because to make a change I need to gain more wisdom. With all that being said, I am slowly learning that I am not helpless and I haven't lost my fire of motivation. Beating the odds as well as remembering I can do hard things.

"Loved since 1997" - Amanda's story

We all want to feel loved and excepted by others around us. I feel like parents also can make the biggest impact on how a child grows to love and accept themselves. You are not your parents and you are not a mistake. You are loved and probably looked up too more than you know. This is Amanda's story...

I feel like my depression started in 7th grade. Growing up I got mentally and physically abused from 6th grade to my junior year of high school. Every time I messed something up I always heard "ruining lives since 1997" and things like I'm a mistake, my parents never wanted me, I'm an accident, accidents can't be loved, I'm worthless, I have no friends and the list goes on. At the end of 7th grade to the end of 8th grade I ended up having no friends. It was hard trying to join random crowds hoping somebody would accept me but nobody did. I was bullied a lot at school and would come home crying every day. But when I was at home I didn't know when somebody would be set off and hit me. I tried to get away as much as I could. It was so hard that even my friends I had were against me. Freshman year was a good year for me. I made lots of friends and actually felt wanted at school. Except home life got more difficult. My dad was working a lot more and didn't ever go grocery shopping so I was always starving. I wouldn't eat anything in the morning, go to school where all my "friends" would eat my lunch, Come home starving and the cycle repeated. I did go to my one close friends house all the time and she always made jokes like "Amanda was eating my whole pantry" "all she does is eat". Sophomore-senior year was pretty much hell. My sister became a lot more violent and once again I lost a lot more friends. My parents also got divorced and my dad married the devil. I used to be so close to my dad but she slowly started changing him to his liking. I was always alone and sometimes hid in the bathroom to avoid people and always are lunch alone. Senior year I stated drinking a little. Freshman year of college was when my depression hit really hard. I had a lot of pain from the past so started drinking more often. There were days I had 0 energy and couldn't even get out of bed. I was sobbing in my bed every day having to hide my pain from everyone. I wasn't happy with my mom or dad and every couple weeks would bounce back and forth and sometimes neither of them would want me so I would spend nights in my car. I also didn't feel worthy of food so I wasn't eating much either. My dad went from loving me to not even acknowledging my presence which KILLED me because all I have ever wanted was to be loved. I don't care if we have no money, If I had no new clothes or anything I just wanted to be loved and be never gave that to me. I was just invisible. Around that time I got diagnosed with anorexia and went into recovery about 4 months later. Once I got discharged I wasn't allowed to go to either of my parents so I went to this family I used to nanny for. This is when my depression reached its worst point and I also had anxiety. I would wake up everyday on edge and be like that all day. I couldn't handle even the littlest things like breathing without crying. It got so bad that I didn't even want to be here and that I didn't even know how I'd survive the week. That's when I got admitted into a crisis center for 5 days. They put me on medication which eventually stabled me out and I was honest with my life which helped take some weight off my shoulders in therapy I went back to my moms and stayed there for two weeks then went off to college. About a month ago I felt like God told me to go off the medication which I did and I have been fairly stable since. I continue going to therapy every week and found close friends that I can share important things will. Recovery has been a bumpy path but it's finally getting better. You are not invisible, you are alive.

Amanda 19 years old

Say Yes to New Adventures - Shayna's Story

Sometimes things are out of our control. But we can choose how we cope and move on from things or people that have hurt us. It is not easy. It is possible though. So don't give up, keep fighting, and know recovery is worth it! This is Shayna's powerful story...

 I've had depression since about my sophomore year of high school, so 4 years. It led to me losing all interest and motivation in things I love, including band which was basically my life. I isolated myself from everyone and everyday after school would just sit in my room alone. I started self harming toward the end of sophomore year and did it all through sophomore and junior year and I never told anyone. I kept it all a secret so it wouldn't change people's perception of me. I would lie when people asked me if I was okay, I lied to my mom when she asked if I was depressed. I didn't ever want anyone to know. What I did to help myself was to just listen to music. It's funny because the slower sad sounding music is what helped me the most. I still listen to specific songs and remember being in the darkest points of my depression. It was mostly Mumford and sons slower songs and ed sheeran. I also have had a Tumblr since like 8th grade and going on that also really helped me. It was like my own little world where I could be myself and rant and post what I wanted and no one would judge me. Senior year I still was depressed but I could tell I was getting better. I didn't have the desire to self harm and would go months without doing it. Even though there were still times I had no motivation or interest in anything, I started being more social and being around my friends. My senior year was probably the point where I started turning around. I still have times where I really feel my depression coming back and that sometimes lasts a few weeks but I'm not as bad as I was. And I'm also very proud that I haven't self harmed in over 6 months. I know my depression isn't completely gone but I found ways to handle it better and help myself more than I did back then.


Shayna 19 years old

Blessing in Disquise - Sam's Story

Depression is a very common mental illness. Overcoming is rare. It is very possible though. This is Sam's story of how she conquered it all.


Sophomore year my parents started to split up and my sister was leaving for college soon and I was left to deal with it by myself. Depression runs in my family and I became really depressed and I didn't tell anyone for about a year. I didn't go to my family because I thought me needing help would only burden them with money which would only make me feel worse. I just wanted an escape... I wanted to be happy even if his for a moment. I started cutting myself because I thought "if I cut myself it will distract me from my real problems. I'll be more focused on this than what's really going on" I cut my wrists and the inside of my thighs and my parents never knew. Then I started getting into drinking and drugs. I would get so high and drunk by myself just so I could feel happy for a little bit. I would go to dinner with my family stoned out of my mind and I would show up at school hung over. I was always getting high and I started selling my adderall pills. It was so bad. I have a journal that I wrote everything in and my mom found it and found out everything I had been up to but the journal never mentioned that I was depressed. In a way it was a blessing in disguise. Because when she confronted me about it i finally broke down to her about my depression and about harming myself and I started going to therapy and got antidepressants. Two years later I'm off my meds and don't need therapy anymore. Recovery is possible.

Sam 17 years old

Letter From My Body

Dear Hannah,

 You've hurt me, not only have you drained me from the nutrition I need to keep you running. But you have ruined my beautiful skin and put chemicals inside of me trying shut me down. I need you, Hannah, to realize what you're doing to me. I'm exhausted. I need things as well to be healthy and keep that lovely smile on your face. Your mind is messing with who you are and who you want to be. The scars on my skin show the pain your mind has put you through. I forgive you for that. Battle scars we will call them because you are a warrior. So keep fighting that mind of yours. You will get there and I'll me there every step of the way... literally.

love,
          your body