"Loved since 1997" - Amanda's story

We all want to feel loved and excepted by others around us. I feel like parents also can make the biggest impact on how a child grows to love and accept themselves. You are not your parents and you are not a mistake. You are loved and probably looked up too more than you know. This is Amanda's story...

I feel like my depression started in 7th grade. Growing up I got mentally and physically abused from 6th grade to my junior year of high school. Every time I messed something up I always heard "ruining lives since 1997" and things like I'm a mistake, my parents never wanted me, I'm an accident, accidents can't be loved, I'm worthless, I have no friends and the list goes on. At the end of 7th grade to the end of 8th grade I ended up having no friends. It was hard trying to join random crowds hoping somebody would accept me but nobody did. I was bullied a lot at school and would come home crying every day. But when I was at home I didn't know when somebody would be set off and hit me. I tried to get away as much as I could. It was so hard that even my friends I had were against me. Freshman year was a good year for me. I made lots of friends and actually felt wanted at school. Except home life got more difficult. My dad was working a lot more and didn't ever go grocery shopping so I was always starving. I wouldn't eat anything in the morning, go to school where all my "friends" would eat my lunch, Come home starving and the cycle repeated. I did go to my one close friends house all the time and she always made jokes like "Amanda was eating my whole pantry" "all she does is eat". Sophomore-senior year was pretty much hell. My sister became a lot more violent and once again I lost a lot more friends. My parents also got divorced and my dad married the devil. I used to be so close to my dad but she slowly started changing him to his liking. I was always alone and sometimes hid in the bathroom to avoid people and always are lunch alone. Senior year I stated drinking a little. Freshman year of college was when my depression hit really hard. I had a lot of pain from the past so started drinking more often. There were days I had 0 energy and couldn't even get out of bed. I was sobbing in my bed every day having to hide my pain from everyone. I wasn't happy with my mom or dad and every couple weeks would bounce back and forth and sometimes neither of them would want me so I would spend nights in my car. I also didn't feel worthy of food so I wasn't eating much either. My dad went from loving me to not even acknowledging my presence which KILLED me because all I have ever wanted was to be loved. I don't care if we have no money, If I had no new clothes or anything I just wanted to be loved and be never gave that to me. I was just invisible. Around that time I got diagnosed with anorexia and went into recovery about 4 months later. Once I got discharged I wasn't allowed to go to either of my parents so I went to this family I used to nanny for. This is when my depression reached its worst point and I also had anxiety. I would wake up everyday on edge and be like that all day. I couldn't handle even the littlest things like breathing without crying. It got so bad that I didn't even want to be here and that I didn't even know how I'd survive the week. That's when I got admitted into a crisis center for 5 days. They put me on medication which eventually stabled me out and I was honest with my life which helped take some weight off my shoulders in therapy I went back to my moms and stayed there for two weeks then went off to college. About a month ago I felt like God told me to go off the medication which I did and I have been fairly stable since. I continue going to therapy every week and found close friends that I can share important things will. Recovery has been a bumpy path but it's finally getting better. You are not invisible, you are alive.

Amanda 19 years old

Say Yes to New Adventures - Shayna's Story

Sometimes things are out of our control. But we can choose how we cope and move on from things or people that have hurt us. It is not easy. It is possible though. So don't give up, keep fighting, and know recovery is worth it! This is Shayna's powerful story...

 I've had depression since about my sophomore year of high school, so 4 years. It led to me losing all interest and motivation in things I love, including band which was basically my life. I isolated myself from everyone and everyday after school would just sit in my room alone. I started self harming toward the end of sophomore year and did it all through sophomore and junior year and I never told anyone. I kept it all a secret so it wouldn't change people's perception of me. I would lie when people asked me if I was okay, I lied to my mom when she asked if I was depressed. I didn't ever want anyone to know. What I did to help myself was to just listen to music. It's funny because the slower sad sounding music is what helped me the most. I still listen to specific songs and remember being in the darkest points of my depression. It was mostly Mumford and sons slower songs and ed sheeran. I also have had a Tumblr since like 8th grade and going on that also really helped me. It was like my own little world where I could be myself and rant and post what I wanted and no one would judge me. Senior year I still was depressed but I could tell I was getting better. I didn't have the desire to self harm and would go months without doing it. Even though there were still times I had no motivation or interest in anything, I started being more social and being around my friends. My senior year was probably the point where I started turning around. I still have times where I really feel my depression coming back and that sometimes lasts a few weeks but I'm not as bad as I was. And I'm also very proud that I haven't self harmed in over 6 months. I know my depression isn't completely gone but I found ways to handle it better and help myself more than I did back then.


Shayna 19 years old

Blessing in Disquise - Sam's Story

Depression is a very common mental illness. Overcoming is rare. It is very possible though. This is Sam's story of how she conquered it all.


Sophomore year my parents started to split up and my sister was leaving for college soon and I was left to deal with it by myself. Depression runs in my family and I became really depressed and I didn't tell anyone for about a year. I didn't go to my family because I thought me needing help would only burden them with money which would only make me feel worse. I just wanted an escape... I wanted to be happy even if his for a moment. I started cutting myself because I thought "if I cut myself it will distract me from my real problems. I'll be more focused on this than what's really going on" I cut my wrists and the inside of my thighs and my parents never knew. Then I started getting into drinking and drugs. I would get so high and drunk by myself just so I could feel happy for a little bit. I would go to dinner with my family stoned out of my mind and I would show up at school hung over. I was always getting high and I started selling my adderall pills. It was so bad. I have a journal that I wrote everything in and my mom found it and found out everything I had been up to but the journal never mentioned that I was depressed. In a way it was a blessing in disguise. Because when she confronted me about it i finally broke down to her about my depression and about harming myself and I started going to therapy and got antidepressants. Two years later I'm off my meds and don't need therapy anymore. Recovery is possible.

Sam 17 years old

Letter From My Body

Dear Hannah,

 You've hurt me, not only have you drained me from the nutrition I need to keep you running. But you have ruined my beautiful skin and put chemicals inside of me trying shut me down. I need you, Hannah, to realize what you're doing to me. I'm exhausted. I need things as well to be healthy and keep that lovely smile on your face. Your mind is messing with who you are and who you want to be. The scars on my skin show the pain your mind has put you through. I forgive you for that. Battle scars we will call them because you are a warrior. So keep fighting that mind of yours. You will get there and I'll me there every step of the way... literally.

love,
          your body